Tag Archives: death

Day 189

Posted on by dtsphoto365

The Unfinished…

The Downstairs

This weekend some friends, Dave and I will dry wall our downstairs room. It was a cement slab with some roughed in plumbing when we bought. We waited awhile and finally decided to get it done this year. We are about 60% through… I am so excited! I am also super proud that I am learning about the steps needed and actually doing some of it with them vs. just hiring someone.

My dad always wanted to come up for a week or two and do the room with me and I always told him no. He also wanted me to travel with him to Kentucky to help build houses with him and the church. He loves the building of things, tools, etc… I hate it! So, we never really did these types of projects together. I don’t know if I would really consider it unfinished business or even something that I “missed”.

We did have great times together… Boy Scouts, family geneology, sci-fi movies and shows, photography… and I am so excited to have had those moments.

Do you have that “one thing” that someone close always wants to do? But you don’t and you always say no? Maybe you should reconsider. While I don’t have regret that I didn’t do those things with my dad, maybe it would have made his life experience just that much better.

Photo taken with: Nikon D700, Nikon 60mm f/2.8

Day 188

Posted on by dtsphoto365

The Intricate Details

All of the small parts

Our friends brought over these awesome sunflowers tonight, so of course, I had to shoot one. Can you see the number of small “sunflowers” on the inside of this? There are hundreds per flower and it amazes me that they are so small, so detailed.

I was talking with a friend (and my stylist) tonight about my dad’s situation. Her mother-in-law also has stage 4 cancer. I was sharing with her how much I have learned about the human body, the details of what happens in death and how amazed I was. She related to how she felt the same way about when she was pregnant… how can such a small human being be INSIDE you?

We both immediately related it to how impossible it could be for evolution to have created humans. It’s not possible for such an intricate system of body parts so well intwined to have been evolved over millions of years from a micro-organism. The same with the flower… How can the flower be so detailed without some divine help?

My dad’s throat muscles are starting to give out… no more talking, he can’t hold up his head too well, and is having trouble swallowing. This will make medication administration a little more difficult. Again, amazing to me the number of body parts that we depend on every day, but never realize or put value behind the awesomeness of what God created. Amazing to me how many of the body parts have to “unwind” for us to expire.

God — Thanks for all of the quality control you have installed in your machines. 🙂

Photo taken with: Nikon D700, Nikon 60mm f/2.8

Day 186

Posted on by dtsphoto365

Home, Sweet?, Home

9972

I flew back to MSP today. Arrived a couple of hours ago. I honestly have to say that its relaxing to be here. I am hoping to get back to some sort of normalcy, even if it’s only for awhile.

I appreciate the comments and the emails that you have all sent over the last 2 weeks. I save every one… Currently, I have over 115 in my folder. I cannot believe the outpouring that we have received. I took just about everyone’s advice and was able to atleast tell my dad that I loved him. When I said that I was going to back to Minneapolis, he just shook his head no. 😦

He’s still sleeping alot, staring out into the distance… But he did eat some food today! Mom told me that when she asked if he wanted some more Ensure, he said, “I don’t mind if I do…”  We know that his personality and humor is still around and that is comforting. 🙂

At the end of the day, I am realizing that home is wherever you want it to be… it’s with those that you love. Maybe “home” isn’t even a place at all. If my dad were to die tonight, I know that he will always be with me, at home.

Thanks to everyone for surrounding me with what is my “home” all the time, no matter where I am. That’s what is really Sweet.

Photo taken with: Nikon D700, Nikon 50mm f/1.8

Day 185

Posted on by dtsphoto365

What do you say?

Circa 1979

I leave tomorrow afternoon for Minneapolis. I’ve been in Columbus for a little over two weeks now and its time to get back to work. As I am packing and wrapping things up, I always have a checklist. On that checklist, ” say goodbye to dad”.

Dad’s been sleeping pretty much all day. He had a bite to eat, which has been rare. But he can’t really talk. It’s a whisper when he does and it often isn’t understood. I’m afraid that I’ve already lost that chance to say what I want to say, maybe what I need to say. We had some great conversations, we cried together, we were angry together and we laughed. But is that really all?

How do you say goodbye to someone that you will probably never see again? How do you say all of things that you want him to know, but can’t possibly think of? Will he even understand? At the end of the day, he knows that I love him and I know that he loves me. Maybe those words mean way more then we give them credit for?

Photo taken with: Nikon D700, Tamron 28-300 f/3.6